Lose My Mind
by Nao Takumi
Summary: I wonder how long it will take my betraying heart to finally let go of him. Perhaps one fleeting moment or perhaps not even eternity…


_**Warning:**_ _This contains mild shounen-ai and if anyone isn't comfortable with the thought of two boys together, please feel free to leave._

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own the anime/manga/story and the characters, they belong to the writer of this story whom I am not aware of._

_**A/N:** Let's just say that I've been going through a very bad writer's block and have been extremely depressed as of lately and this was the one thing which came to my mind as a result of over dose of depressing songs. Anyway, I hope you like it, and even if that's not the case, please leave a review nonetheless._

_P.S I used a few quotes in this story which do not belong to me._

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_**Lose My Mind**_

His hands and feet were moving of their own accord, he didn't know why though. Was it because he wanted to prove something to the other? Perhaps prove that even if he did not want him, there were still many others who did. Or maybe because he wanted to see it for himself one last time that he did not indeed care for him any longer and every gesture up until now had been just a farce.

Shaking his head and taking a deep breath, Wolfram cleared his mind and went inside after knocking once, the invitation card clutched tightly in his other hand.

There was no one inside, so much for mental preparation, the fire wielder thought and walked over to the mahogany table laden with various documents and books.

If his memory served him correct, Yuuri was to return to Shin Makokou any moment now. Ultimately deciding after a few seconds contemplation that he would preferably sit here and wait for Yuuri's return rather than going back to his quarters now and building up the courage and getting over the anxiety of coming back again.

His keen gaze roamed over the table, now looking at its contents with a bit more interest, possibly trying to find a book to read of some sort to pass the time when emerald orbs fixated on an open notebook whose pages were fluttering. Intrigued, he picked it up and turned it over to study the cover. On it, the words 'Yuuri Shibuya' were written in a neat cursive.

Knowing perfectly well that he was breaching the privacy of the young Maoh by going to read it, Wolfram nonetheless returned to the page which was previously open and began reading.

Not knowing what the double black was referring to, Wolfram decided to start from a few pages back, where the latest entry began.

_'I don't want to wake up; I have a much better time asleep and that's really sad. It's almost like a reverse nightmare. When you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. It's not the same with me, for I wake up into a nightmare. I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me, after all, in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill. The mere thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night. It is just the right medicine for someone like me. I truly am the world's biggest wimp after all._

_It took me two years to get used to the very thought of being engaged to a boy, the next one year to accept the very boy as a part of my life, more like someone whom I can trust my life with. Another two years to come to accept this fact that I harboured romantic feelings towards the aforementioned boy, albeit still unaware of the strength of these feelings. Gradually within a period of seven months, I came to an astonishing conclusion that I, Yuuri Shibuya, was indeed in love with this boy, very much in love with him._

_This was all when I was unaware of the consequences of my emotions. Thus, it took me another two months to come to a painful yet only appropriate solution that I should put a stop to my wavering emotions and finish this unasked for relationship between us. Above it all, it took me just one damned day to finish it all… officially._

_Now I wonder how long it will take my betraying heart to finally let go of him. Perhaps one fleeting moment or perhaps not even eternity…'_

The sound of someone's footsteps nearing the room and turning of the door knob jolted him out of his reverie and he hastily placed the diary where it belonged before the door on the other side of the room opened and stepped in the double black Maoh.

No words were exchanged as Yuuri walked over to his desk, onyx orbs fixed on the blond who was staring intently on the card in his hands.

Not breaking the silence, Wolfram placed the beautifully designed card on the desk, on top of the diary. Yuuri briefly glanced at the card and then at Wolfram.

"I assume this is-"

"It's the invitation to my engagement." Wolfram completed Yuuri's sentence, still not meeting the other's gaze.

With the most heart wrenching smile on his face, Yuuri picked it up, his eyes accidentally peering over the opened page. In a single moment, he knew that the other had read what was written in it, since in his haste, Wolfram had forgotten to turn back to the page on which Yuuri was writing.

Noticing his own mistake as well, Wolfram curtly bowed before hurrying out of the room with Yuuri on his heels. Though before the double black could get hold of the blond, Wolfram was out of the room, the door closed on Yuuri's face, his hands still stretched, reaching out for Wolfram.

Willing away the tears in his eyes, Yuuri dropped his hand to his side and turned around, leaning against the door. No longer in control of his emotions, he sat on the floor, his back to the door and sobbed silently. All the while, completely unaware of the proud fire wielding demon sitting on the opposite side of the door in a somewhat similar manner, with an equally shattered heart.


End file.
